Friday Funny
Why? Because I laughed my ass off.
If you're interested, here is a compilation of Brainiac's Things but Very Slowly.
June 27, 2008
May 13, 2008
Win World of Warcraft Tournament Splurge on Hookers & Fritos
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A 13 year old from Texas who stole his Dad's credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order. Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel. The credit card company involved said it was regular practice to send extra credit cards out as long as all security questions are answered. The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business. |
As if that isn't good enough, "They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them."
May 01, 2008
He's No Chuck Norris
My co-worker sent me this little story on Roger Clemens, it explains how he took advantage of the local Hard Rock while pitching for the Red Sox but what stood out for me was this:
“Whenever he came into the Hard Rock, they had to play ‘Rocket Man,’ ” recalled another ex-employee. “He really liked that.”
Oh man, what a dork. So, my coworker and I have decided that Roger Clemens is the anti Chuck Norris. And like good employees we immediately came up with our Roger Clemens list. He are the fruits of that non-labor.
Roger Clemens hates kittens.
Roger Clemens doesn't wipe.
Roger Clemens chews with his mouth open.
Roger Clemens passes on the right.
Roger Clemens has complex chronic halitosis.
Roger Clemens uses the middle urinal.
After a workout Roger Clemens doesn't wipe down the equipment .
Roger Clemens doesn't flush.
Roger Clemens doesn't cover his mouth when he sneezes.
When Roger Clemens farts he blames the dog and if the dog isn't around he blames his wife.
Exiting a plane Roger Clemens doesn't say "buh bye" to the stewardess.
Roger Clemens leaves his seat back and tray down when landing.
When Roger Clemens is on fire he goes, jumps, and slides.
If there is a threat it is women and children last for Roger Clemens.
Roger Clemens wears white before Memorial Day.
Roger Clemens brushes back kids at Family Day softball game.
Roger Clemens signs autographs in invisible ink.
Please, feel free to add your own.
April 30, 2008
Say What?
March 03, 2008
Some Peace and Quiet
My question is, do they have a handheld version?
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Teenagers who hang out inside one apartment building in Jamaica, Queens are getting an earful these days. A new security device called "The Mosquito" has been installed in the lobby of a building on 170th St. where there have been chronic problems with noisy teens. The wall-mounted device emits a high-frequency screech that can only be heard by people aged 13 to 25. Most older people cannot hear it. |
My subway ride home may be more tolerable from time to time.
February 22, 2008
Friday Funny
I laugh every time I watch this. Enjoy.
January 09, 2008
Weekend at Bernie's
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Life imitated the movies Tuesday when two dopes wheeled a dead man around Hell's Kitchen in an office chair as they tried to cash his Social Security check, cops said. The "Weekend at Bernie's" stunt was an attempt to collect 66-year-old Virgilio Cintron's dough less than a day after he died, police said. One suspect is Cintron's roommate. |
No word on any plans for a sequel.
December 26, 2007
Christmas Hangover
Food, food, and then more food. Getting up for work today was very difficult. So, to celebrate my punchiness, here is something that made me laugh for about 10 minutes.
December 22, 2007
A Christmas Appetizer
I saw the movie Smoke, when it was first released in 1995. It remains one of my favorite films centering around my home, Brooklyn.
While sick in bed last week, one of the few bright spots was having to opportunity to watch this again on television. It was a treat, since I probably haven't seen it in 10 years.
Maybe it was the shots of NyQuil or an overdose of tea, but after all these years, I enjoyed it a little bit more.
The end of the movie has a wonderful monologue by Harvey Keitel based on a short story by the movie's author Paul Auster.
Listen to Paul Auster read his story at this link, then take a look at a clip from the movie below.
November 29, 2007
Photo of the Day
I think someone misplaced something.
AP Caption: This photo provided by the Florida Highway Patrol shows a State Police cruiser covered with bags of marijuana...
November 20, 2007
Thanksgiving Funny
I've just had several cheesecake-brownies and a large coffee, I'm buzzing.
November 16, 2007
Leadership is Listening
November 15, 2007
Ho Ho Ho...
Thanks to LM for sending me this one. Let's put this in the "you have got to be kidding" file.
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Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported. One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute. |
Might as well ditch the red suit too, it does make him look like a pimp.
September 28, 2007
Friday Funny: Chuck Norris on Credit Crisis
As some of you know, I am a Mets fan. My hopes of a playoff appearance, never mind a World Series title, are slipping away. I needed a laugh and a friend provided this:
Chuck Norris doesn't target inflation. He roundhouse-kicks it until it begs for mercy.
The Chuck Norris dollar buys 3 Canadian dollars, and trades at parity with the euro.
Chuck Norris doesn't supply collateral, only collateral damage.
The tears of Chuck Norris would supply enough liquidity to solve the credit crisis. Too bad he never cries.
When the yield on a Chuck Norris bond goes up, the price also rises.
Chuck Norris trades on fear and greed simultaneously.
Alan Greenspan calls Chuck Norris ``The Maestro.''
Chuck Norris has already banked his dividend payment from Northern Rock Plc.
Chuck Norris funds at Libor flat.
Chuck Norris Asset Management made 50 percent on its subprime mortgage-backed bond fund last month.
Chuck Norris doesn't borrow at the Fed's discount window. Chuck Norris LENDS at the Fed's discount window.
Chuck Norris's curves never invert.
Net income at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. rose 79 percent in the third quarter; profit at Chuck Norris Securities Inc. climbed 80 percent.
There is no market regulator. Just a list of securities Chuck Norris allows to be traded.
Chuck's iPhone never needs recharging.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy gold to hedge against inflation. Gold buys Chuck Norris to hedge against inflation.
Chuck Norris charges the Bank of England a penalty rate for borrowing. And guarantees its deposits.
Chuck Norris is the pilot Ben Bernanke calls when he wants to shower the economy with dollar bills. Sometimes, Chuck refuses to fly.
Chuck Norris gets ALL of his funding from the asset-backed commercial paper market.
Chuck Norris doesn't mark-to-market. The market marks to Chuck Norris.
When the U.S. economy sneezes, the world catches a cold. When Chuck Norris sneezes, the U.S. economy catches pneumonia.
When Chuck Norris makes you a price, it isn't an offer; it's an obligation to buy.
Chuck Norris isn't a market maker; he IS the market.
Chuck Norris can still get a 125 percent mortgage on a $2 million condo without providing proof of earnings.
Chuck Norris subprime collateralized debt obligations still trade at 100 percent of face value.
Chuck completed Halo 3 on his Microsoft Corp. Xbox 360 on the day before the computer game went on sale.
Chuck Norris has a trade surplus with China.
September 24, 2007
The Onion: Chinese Authorities Execute 10 Million Recalled Toys
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In an attempt to assure the world's children that the millions of Chinese-made toys currently being recalled for containing toxic lead paint and tiny choking hazards can no longer hurt them, high-level Chinese officials announced Tuesday that millions of playthings are being rounded up and immediately put to death. "We are committed to the well-being of children and putting the consumer's mind at ease," said Chinese president Hu Jintao at a press conference. "Boys and girls of the world, you need not worry. Your toys will be executed swiftly and harshly. When we are through, there will be nothing left to play with." |
Image taken from The Onion.
September 14, 2007
Friday Funny: A Warm Welcome
This week has been busy, and a visit with the dentist last night has made it a groggy morning. So I thought I'd share something that makes me laugh.
This is probably one of my all time favorite comedy sketches.
You might know Rowan Atkinson as Mr. Bean and from his Blackadder series.
July 18, 2007
Caution Dog X-ing
Tie up your dogs! Don't you know the Tour de France is in town?
May 20, 2007
An Interesting Cut
May 08, 2007
Home is Where the Ear Is
I've heard of having cobwebs in your head but this is just crazy...and gives me the heebie jeebies!
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What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy's ear — "like Rice Krispies" — ended up as an earache, and the doctor's diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear. "They were walking on my eardrums," Jesse Courtney said. One of the spiders was still alive after the doctor flushed the fourth-grader's left ear canal. His mother, Diane Courtney, said her son insisted he kept hearing a faint popping in his ear — "like Rice Krispies." |
Animal rights activists want the spider, Ms.Cavatica, declared human and given compensation for losing her home.
April 17, 2007
Watch Out for the Pizza
Completely unprovoked.
April 13, 2007
Friday Funny
It's Friday and everyone loves a Friday. While speaking with someone at work I thought of one of my favorite skits by The Kids in the Hall. Enjoy.
February 18, 2007
Introducing The Book
Everyone needs help when it is time to upgrade.
**Update**
The video was removed from YouTube, and has caused a stir.
**Update**
Found another version with subtitles.
February 03, 2007
Headline of the Day...(maybe year)
Chewbacca Arrested in Hollywood!
Oh Chewie, where did you go wrong?
I wonder if there will be some intricate plan to rescue him like they did Han from Jabba the Hut.
Photo from Defense Tech.
January 30, 2007
The 411 on 617
Check out what happens when you're on the short end of the political stick in 1940's Boston.
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A premise governing the designation of three-digit area codes-- to a state, or to regions within a state-- was that densely populated areas where the incoming call volume was heavy should have mostly low numbers... Not so in Boston. There the Democratic machine thought the prospective apportionment would diminish their city. If the national pattern were followed, Boston residents would be forced to dial high numbers when placing calls to the western (and generally Republican) parts of Massachusetts. Meanwhile, callers to Boston from those western regions would enjoy the benefit of using lower numbers. City politicians moved to avert that disaster. In 1948 Democrats had won control of the state legislature for the first time in history, providing the city machine with even greater clout. Led by Mayor John Hynes, protests were made to New England Telephone and through it to AT&T. After negotiations, Boston gained an exception to the national plan, earning a 6-1-7 area code (high for a large city), and western Massachusetts received a lower 4-1-3. |
Thanks to JR for forwarding the story.
November 09, 2006
Late Late Show: Ode To Rumsfeld
I'm definitely going to miss you Rummy.
For six months after 9/11 I was working from home, as my office was closed down for repairs. Rumsfeld's daily press conferences were something I honestly looked forward to, and in a weird way, kept me sane. I have a feeling we haven't heard the last of him.
October 31, 2006
The New Speakeasy
September 22, 2006
You Can't Do That to Our President...
I wasn't going to comment on Hugo Chavez's U.N. speech and the chatter that ensued. But now I just can't help it. A co-worker, in one movie reference, completely captured the moment when describing the statements by Charlie Rangel and Nancy Pelosi.
As you might know, trying to score some easy points with the public, they jumped all over his criticism of President Bush.
