Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

The week has just begun and it’s already too long.

"I
eat breakfast 90 miles from Russia and snack on big oil companies for lunch, so
don’t think for one second that pitching inside to Milton Bradley and the Texas
Rangers is going to make me nervous. Give me the ball if Beckett can’t go."
– 9.2.08, Sarah Palin’s overheard thoughts at the Republican convention …

The Onion is awesome.

Photo taken from The Onion.

Al
Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Via The
Corner

Why? Because it is frickin funny!!

Scent of a Man
Interrupts Lohan and Ronson

Here’s a quickie.  After reading this headline on Drudge, World’s
Greatest Dad’ Arrested As Predator, I was reminded of The
Smoking Gun’s mug shot t-shirt gallery, which was also linked.  It is a
wonderful trip through the world of regret.

I like how several of the photo subjects have bail bond shirts.  I can
only guess that you get a free t-shirt when you use their services.

Why?  Because I laughed my ass off.

If you’re interested, here is a compilation of Brainiac’s Things
but Very Slowly.

Dude? 
Dude!

As if that isn’t good enough, "They told the suspicious
working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling
circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be
discriminated against they had no right to refuse them."

My co-worker sent me this
little story on Roger Clemens, it explains how he took advantage of the
local Hard Rock while pitching for the Red Sox but what stood out for me was
this:

“Whenever he came into the Hard Rock, they had to play ‘Rocket Man,’
” recalled another ex-employee. “He really liked that.”

Oh man, what a dork.  So, my coworker and I have decided that Roger
Clemens is the anti Chuck Norris.  And like good employees we immediately
came up with our Roger Clemens list.  He are the fruits of that non-labor.

Roger Clemens hates kittens.

Roger Clemens doesn’t wipe.

Roger Clemens chews with his mouth open.

Roger Clemens passes on the right.

Roger Clemens has complex chronic halitosis.

Roger Clemens uses the middle urinal.

After a workout Roger Clemens doesn’t wipe down the equipment .

Roger Clemens doesn’t flush.

Roger Clemens doesn’t cover his mouth when he sneezes.

When Roger Clemens farts he blames the dog and if the dog isn’t around he
blames his wife.

Exiting a plane Roger Clemens doesn’t say "buh bye" to the
stewardess.

Roger Clemens leaves his seat back and tray down when landing.

When Roger Clemens is on fire he goes, jumps, and slides.

If there is a threat it is women and children last for Roger Clemens.

Roger Clemens wears white before Memorial Day.

Roger Clemens brushes back kids at Family Day softball game.

Roger Clemens signs autographs in invisible ink.

Please, feel free to add your own.

PATH service between
33rd Street and the Journal Square and Hoboken stations will be suspended in
both directions through this evening due to signal and power cable damage caused
by a small manhole fire east of Christopher Street Station.

There’s a joke in there somewhere…

My question is, do
they have a handheld version?

My subway ride home may be more tolerable from time to time.